Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Realms Trial: Toad Forced To Consume Fly Paste


 



Hear ye, hear ye, goode citizens of Blogtown. Welcome to Realms Faire 2013 and the Stockade Brigade, Word Wizards on Trial event.

To learn more about the Realms Faire, please go to Realms Faire headquarters HERE.

Events: Joust ~ Drench-a-Wench/Soak-a-Bloke ~ Stockade Brigade ~ Dueling Bards ~ Phasers ~ Masquerade Parade ~ Collective Performance ~ Castle Jumble ~ Dragon Hunt

To check out the stupendous Realms Faire Giveaways, go HERE.

Thank you so much to our sponsors for participating in this fun event - check them out HERE.
 

Ye Olde Realms Trial Rules:

1.  Prithee, keep order at all times.

2.  There will be no throwing of sticks or stones or anything resembling fecal matter.

3.  Spitting upon our worthy guests or other citizens is strictly forbidden.

4.  Commenters art awarded points based on ye best olde English.

5.  An bribe ebook or $5 Amazon gift card will be bequeathed by each prisoner.

6.  A $25 Amazon gift card will be awarded at the end of the week by Sheriff Gwen.

7. HENCE, ye must comment to win!

 

Let the trials begin!

 



*Sheriff Gwen rolls out scroll to read the charge* Upon a recent tip from a certain toad advocate, erm, I mean steadfast citizen of this most worthy realmdom, I did receive reliable information about Jeff Beesler, late of Washington state, now of Blogtown in the land of Realms, and most recently a guest of ye olde Realms Stockade Brigade, courtesy of her highness, Mistress Mary Pax, and overseen by me, Gwen, the honorable Sheriff of Realms. *runs out of breath and sucks in a lungful of air before continuing*

*ahem* As stated, it has come to my attention one Jeffrey Beesler did indeed commit toad abuse upon the publishing of his novel, Spell of Entrapment. A lowly, wretched creature, given into his care, and so-named Halscrad, was forced to eat atrocious concoctions betwixt the pages of said book.

Should you dare to visiteth the crime scene in the far off land of Amazonian cyberspace, go HERE, but beware the troll at the gate, a bribe toll may be extracted!

Aye, but the burden of proof lies with me, so anon to the evidence, painfully gathered from the crime scene:

“Going home seemed the only viable option. At least there she could confide in her one true friend, her toad. By now Halscrad had probably gone through the last of the wingless fly paste she had made for him before her departure. At the very least it had been a nice enough day to leave the window open. This would’ve let some wayward bugs flutter into her hovel, straight to their doom.”

 But Halscrad did fight back, as evidenced below:

 “Exhausted by the day’s excitement, along with finding no hint of Halscrad, Embekah dragged her feet toward her bedchamber. She almost bowed under the power of sleepiness but reached her cot safely.

Only when Embekah had unraveled the covers of her neatly-made bed, only when her eyelids drooped almost entirely shut, did her cheek brush against a slimy lump. Filling the air with a squeal, she threw her covers off. Heart racing, she zoomed to the door before catching her senses again.

Blasted toad!”                  

How plead ye, Sir Jeffrey?

 

How do I plead toward this fraudulent charge of toad abuse? Innocent, of course! Thou hast not noted in the very section of thy evidence that the window was left open for bugs to enter and feed Halscrad. Had thou continued further in thy investigation, thou wouldst have come upon the Indoor Forest, a piece of woodland magically contained in a single room of Lady Embekah Mare’s most humble abode. Also, had thou continued on to Chapter 9 of the tome, on day 54 of the Year of the Toad, thou wouldst have seen Halscrad able to pass through the Spell of Entrapment without the slightest trouble. And did thou see how the calendar is marked Year of the Toad? I highly doubt that such an honor would have been bestowed upon the toad were I truly guilty of your charge.

Also, Halscrad is quite fond of the taste of wingless fly paste. Thy charge is groundless and will likely be dismissed in the court of public opinion.

An indoor forest, ye say? That toadally makes sense. Well, *clears throat and blusters ineffectually* mayhap I proceeded prematurely. Couldst Sir Jeffrey be telling the truth? Or art his pretty words a brilliant cover-up?

 
What say thee goode citizenry of Realmdom?

25 comments:

  1. Sir Jeffrey speaks sooth. Free him. If there be any doubt perhaps he could undergo a trial by challenge - and eating a bowl of wingless fly paste would certainly fill that bill.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A dose of his own medicine, eh? Thou dost have a good point.

      Delete
  2. It doth sound as though said toad is living life as a king of toads. I say Sir Jeffrey is innocent!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another vote for freedom, Mistress Christine!

      Delete
  3. Wingless fly paste tastes almost like blackberry jam, but without the preservatives! Verily, I do believe I have stepped up to the challenge, both in the eating of paste and in defending myself properly from these charges!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since you have met and conquered the challenge the Sheriff must release you... Having dubious taste is not, yet, a crime. Though I may be able to better resist blackberries this season after your revelation.

      Delete
    2. Mistress Child, I agree on the blackberry ban. I wouldst like to witness the look on Sir Jeffrey's face when he eats blackberry tasting fly paste, though. Mayhaps that shall be his penance.

      Delete
  4. Although it appears Sir Beesler is innocent of toad abuse, wingless fly paste smells an awful lot like wizardry. This one art a toss up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aye, Mistress Mary. Tis true wizardry when fly paste tastes like blackberries!

      Delete
  5. I dare say, this toad must be set free.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love sir Jeffrey! He must be innocent! *gasp*

    Loving this, Gwen. What a fun post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Musteth he be innocent? But what of the blackberry-tasting fly paste? Tis wizardry, says I!

      Delete
  7. Sir Jeffrey doth sayeth the truth. Bestoweth his freedom as though Sheriff truly lacketh evidence of thy Sir's guilt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mistress Sheena-kay hast a pointeth. Mayhaps we shouldst grill, erm, I mean question Sir Toad...

      Delete
  8. Sir Jeffrey makes a convincing argument. I say innocent as well!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mistress Heather, thou vote has been inscribed upon the parchment.

      Delete
  9. Oh my, I believe Sir Jeffrey is also quite innocent. I beg of thee to set him free!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very persuasive, Mistress Kimberly. I will take thy beggary into account.

      Delete
  10. A most peculiar case, to be sure. I'd be quick to request Jeffrey's quick release, but I find the tone of his defense unbecoming of one so innocent. If he is able to pay his bail, allow him to be free of the stocks ... but do issue him back for further questioning. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sir David, a most wise suggestion. Thank thee.

      Delete
  11. Sir Jeffrey crafts a persuasive argument. Mayhap, this charge was leveled prematurely?

    ReplyDelete
  12. I've been taught never to mess with toads. So I say free Sir Jeffrey before a plague of toads descends upon the land and we all croak.

    ReplyDelete

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