Jules' Fav Ghost Stories!

I'm so happy to have Julie Flanders here today sharing her favorite ghost stories - because you know how much I love my ghosties.

 

So, heeeere's Julie!

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Favorite Ghost Stories

I’ve been having a great time sharing ghost stories for the past few months as I counted down the days until the release of my novel The Ghosts of Aquinnah, so I thought it would be fun to share a few of my favorite ghost stories (either movies or books) here at Gwen’s today. Thank you for hosting me, Gwen!

I have to include a quick note that Gwen’s Givin’ Up the Ghost definitely has a spot on this list. I loved it and look forward to reading her sequel soon!

Here are five other favorites:

Ghost Story by Peter Straub
I haven’t read this in years but it terrified me way back when!

1408
Had me at John Cusack :D

A Christmas Carol
Probably nothing I can say about this that hasn’t already been said a million times

The Sixth Sense
I saw this back when it first came out and no, I didn’t see the twist coming at all.

The Shining
To this day, I am scared to death of The Overlook Hotel.

Are you a fan of ghost stories? If so, what are your favorites?

Thank you again, Gwen!

Blurb

A brilliant flash of light transcends through time.

Another freezes a cloaked figure within a frame of salty mist as waves crash against a rocky shore. Her harrowing expression shadows the beacon to a pinprick.

By the next blaze, she is gone. Only the lighthouse remains.

Hannah’s eyes blink in step with each heartbeat. Images of her deceased parents and Martha’s Vineyard explode like firecrackers inside her mind.

She shakes her head.

For weeks this eerie woman dressed in nineteenth century garb has been haunting my webcam, but tonight she stared into my soul.

Why? ...

Who is she? ...

Casting aside months of research on historic lighthouses, Hannah drives to the coast and boards a ferry.

What is the strange connection she has to this mysterious woman suspended in time?

Hannah finds out.

But, it’s not at all what she expects...

Hannah unravels a century old murder.

Buy The Ghosts of Aquinnah:  Amazon ~ Barnes & Noble ~ Smashwords ~ Ink Smith Store

Author Bio:

Julie Flanders is a novelist and freelance writer in Cincinnati, Ohio. She has a life-long love affair with the ocean and has spent more summer vacations than she can count on the island of Martha’s Vineyard. When not writing, Julie can be found playing with her pets, reading, cheering on her favorite sports teams, and watching too much television. The Ghosts of Aquinnah is Julie’s second novel. Her debut novel Polar Night was released in February, 2013 by Ink Smith Publishing.

Find Julie at:

Website ~ Blog ~ Facebook ~ Twitter ~ Pinterest ~ Goodreads

Stand Back - Launching Now! Diamonds & Dust

It's Launch Day!

Diamonds and Dust

by River Fairchild

 

Book 1 of the Jewels of Chandra series

 

 

Magic is real. So is betrayal.

Two heirs. A Kingdom of dust on a troubled world. One might resurrect it. One might destroy it all.

Archaeologist David Alexander investigates the cave where his father disappeared and hurtles into another world, one filled with magic and bizarre creatures. The mad ravings in his father's journals of icemen and dragons may not be fantasies after all.

Convinced his father may still be alive, David begins a treacherous journey to find him and discover a way home. Along the way, he encounters a few unlikely friends. A Dreean warrior, a beautiful thief and a satyr join him as he searches.

David's arrival into this new world sets off an explosive chain reaction of events. Faced with powerful adversaries and few clues, he may not get the chance to rescue his father before disaster strikes, condemning both of them to death. Or worse.

Buy it here:

AmazonUS

AmazonUK

AmazonDE

Kobo

Barnes & Noble

Apple

SmashWords
Paperback

 

**********************

 

 

 

About the author:

 

River Fairchild is somewhat odd, brandishes a dry sense of humor, owned by several cats. Lives in a fantasy world. A fabricator of magic. Makes stuff up and spins tales about it. Believes in Faerie crossings and never staying in one place for very long. Speculative Fiction wordsmith. The secret to her stories? Spread lies, blend in truths, add a pinch of snark and a dash of tears. Escape into her world. She left the porch light on so you can find your way down the rabbit hole.

Blog / Facebook / Twitter / Amazon /

 

IWSG: Decisions, Decisions

It's the first Wednesday of the month so it's Insecure Writers Support Group day. This is where writers get together and share their insecurities about writing/publishing/editing. Thanks to Alex Cavanaugh for hosting this monthly event.

I know that so many of us are working full time, raising families, and still trying to squeeze in time to write. I've been thinking about how to better use my time so that I can still write. I've spent a lot of time blogging over the last couple of years and I love it. I love all my writerly friends and being part of your journeys. However, writing posts, answering comments, then returning visits takes an enormous amount of time. Since I'm also working a full time job, I have very little time for writing. And I'm on the verge of burnout.

So how can I participate in what's going on in the writing community and mingle with my writing friends and still get some writing done when I work a full time job?

1. I'm going to take a blogging break, beginning in January, probably through March. 
2. I'll can still rub elbows with all my writer friends on Facebook and Twitter.
3. I can still help promote friends books through both of those social medias.
4. And I should be able to finish my novella series during my time off.

That is really the only solution I have at this time.

 

How do you cope with the lack of time?

Prisoners Pardoned and Bribes Paid!

 

First, I'm over at Untethered Realms today about developing characters from real life people. Hope you can stop by.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

 

Last week was a marathon week of trials here in Realmsdom. A lot of thanks go out to a lot of folks! First,

1)  Thank you so much to M. Pax as the brains of this whole operation, along with my Untethered Realms peeps and others who hosted events.

2) Thanks to the wonderful sponsors who contributed some awesomesauce prizes.

3) Thanks to my prisoners Father Dragon Al Diaz, Jeff Beesler, E.J. Wesley, Stephen Tremp and David Powers King. You guys are the best sports ever!

4)  Thank you Tara Tyler for the wonderful banner and badges, and,

5) Most of all, thanks to all the commenters who played along with all the trumped up charges.

 

The winners are as follows:

 

Monday's trial, from Father Dragon Al Diaz is a $5 Amazon gift card to Sam Geary

Tuesday's trial, from Jeff Beesler, is a copy of his ebook to Sheena-Kay Graham.

Wednesday's trial, from E.J. Wesley is a copy of his ebook to Tyrean Martinson.

Thursday's trial, from Stephen Tremp, an ebook or $5 Amazon card to J.A. Bennett

Friday's trial, from David Powers King, a copy of his ebook to Gary Philip Pennick

 

AND

 

The winner of the $25 Amazon gift card (or something equivalent) from Sheriff Gwen, is Robin!

 

AND best of all.....

 

ALL PRISONERS ARE PARDONED!

 

Did y'all have fun?



Let's Play Truth Or Lie!

Today I want to introduce Crystal Collier's debut novel, Moonless. We're going to play the Truth or Lie game, and you have a chance to win her book! 

Alexia’s nightmares become reality: a dead baron, red-eyed wraiths, and forbidden love with a man hunted by these creatures. After an attack close to home, Alexia realizes she cannot keep one foot in her old life and one in this new world. To protect her family she must either be sold into a loveless marriage, or escape with her beloved and risk becoming one of the Soulless. 

MOONLESS is Jane Eyre meets Supernatural.

"MOONLESS is powerful, compelling, and packed with soul." --Bethany Kaczmarek, editor at A Little Red, Inc. 

"I fell head over heels for the characters. The story itself was magnificent and the way Crystal writes is beyond that." --TC Mckee, acquiring editor at BookFish Books 

"The mystery is dense and pulsating... Power-packed action, heart stopping mystery, unpredictable twists and turns..." --Review on I Am a Reader Not a Writer

Buy MOONLESS HERE or add it on Goodreads.

Crystal gave me two truths and one lie to test your "lie detector" skills. Can you figure out the lie? Those who do will be entered in a random drawing to win one of three ebooks of MOONLESS. How cool is that? You have until November 30, at 11:59 p.m. to guess--and be sure to come back for the answer and winner announcement on FILL IN YOUR DATE--ANY DAY AFTER DECEMBER 3!

TRUTH OR LIE

1. Where some kids had lemonade stands, young Crystal sold bin candies.

2. As a kid, she led a bike gang of 23 children in her cul-de-sac.

3. Through middle school she ran track, even with exercise induced asthma. 

Okay human lie detectors, which is the lie? Enter your guess below!

Crystal Collier, author of MOONLESS, is a former composer/writer for Black Diamond Productions. She can be found practicing her brother-induced ninja skills while teaching children or madly typing about fantastic and impossible creatures. She has lived from coast to coast and now calls Florida home with her creative husband, three littles, and “friend” (a.k.a. the zombie locked in her closet). Secretly, she dreams of world domination and a bottomless supply of cheese. 

You can find her on her blog and Facebook, or follow her on Twitter.

AND you have one more chance to win!

RAFFLECOPTER

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Realms Trial: Who Be Harboring Ghosties?

 

Hear ye, hear ye, goode citizens of Blogtown. Welcome to Realms Faire 2013 and the Stockade Brigade, Word Wizards on Trial event.

To learn more about the Realms Faire, please go to Realms Faire headquarters HERE.

Events: Joust ~ Drench-a-Wench/Soak-a-Bloke ~ Stockade Brigade ~ Dueling Bards ~ Phasers ~ Masquerade Parade ~ Collective Performance ~ Castle Jumble ~ Dragon Hunt

To check out the stupendous Realms Faire Giveaways, go HERE.

Thank you so much to our sponsors for participating in this fun event - check them out HERE. 

Ye Olde Realms Trial Rules:

1.  Prithee, keep order at all times.

2.  There will be no throwing of sticks or stones or anything resembling fecal matter.

3.  Spitting upon our worthy guests or other citizens is strictly forbidden.

4.  Commenters art awarded points based on ye best olde English.

5.  An bribe ebook or $5 Amazon gift card will be bequeathed by each prisoner.

6.  A $25 Amazon gift card will be awarded at the end of the week by Sheriff Gwen.

7. HENCE, ye must comment to win!

 

Let the trials begin!

 

*Sheriff Gwen rolls out scroll to read the charge* Upon a recent tip from a certain ghostie, erm, I mean steadfast citizen of this most worthy realmdom, I did receive reliable information about David Powers King, late of Mountain West, now of Blogtown in the land of Realms, and most recently a guest of ye olde Realms Stockade Brigade, courtesy of her highness, Mistress Mary Pax, and overseen by me, Gwen, the honorable Sheriff of Realms. *runs out of breath and sucks in a lungful of air before continuing*

Twas upon the first day (or thereabouts) in the month of November, in the year of our Lord, two thousand and thirteen, said prisoner, *sheriff motions toward David struggling in the stocks* Sir DPK, did in fact harbor, or cause the harbor of a spirit child. *Said child stands grinning next to a Christmas tree and winks at Sheriff Gwen before thumbing his nose at David*. Maverick, the spirit child, twas meant to be safe in Heaven at Christmastime, but instead, was forced betwixt the pages of The Spirit of Christmas, a very special anthology, indeed, and tucked neatly into the story called Brother Christmas, by none other than David. Powers. King.

*hisses from the crowd*

Here is my evidence: 

“I bolted from my spot on the floor, ran past the TV room, and headed down the stairs to my quiet, basement bedroom—my own little man cave. I switched the lights on and plopped face-first onto my bed, breathing shallowly. Finally, the display of sob stories was over. A few seconds later, the door shut on its own. A boy stood in my room. He looked about my age, and he was an exact match of the boy in that picture upstairs.

“How’d it go? The same and sappy as usual?” he asked.

I nodded at Maverick, the ghost of my brother.”

 

How plead ye, Sir David?

 

 

Thou hast me all wrong, Gwen Milady! Indeed, I kept the ghost of young Maverick from the other side for a time, but when struggling as I did for a story set around Christmas, a story I both volunteered to write for a worthy cause and had no idea what it would be about, this dead lad graced mine idea bank and I had to include him. By all means, if it will but help my defense, I sent him on his merry afterlife upon its conclusion. What discomforts he endured I pray shall be forgiven by my attempt to include a story young readers would enjoy in this yuletide anthology, an anthology solely dedicated to The Office of Letters of Light, along with all monies collected through sales and donations, by which they normally operate. Now, if thou would be so kind as to let me out of this stockade and have my charges dropped and good name restored, I could lend thee a copy—at no charge …?

 

No charge, says ye?

Mayhaps we can strike a deal…what say the commenters, eh?

Realms Trial: Tremp Tempts Fate, Opens Pandora's Box

Hear ye, hear ye, goode citizens of Blogtown. Welcome to Realms Faire 2013 and the Stockade Brigade, Word Wizards on Trial event.

To learn more about the Realms Faire, please go to Realms Faire headquarters HERE.

Events: Joust ~ Drench-a-Wench/Soak-a-Bloke ~ Stockade Brigade ~ Dueling Bards ~ Phasers ~ Masquerade Parade ~ Collective Performance ~ Castle Jumble ~ Dragon Hunt

To check out the stupendous Realms Faire Giveaways, go HERE.

Thank you so much to our sponsors for participating in this fun event - check them out HERE.  

Ye Olde Realms Trial Rules:

1.  Prithee, keep order at all times.

2.  There will be no throwing of sticks or stones or anything resembling fecal matter.

3.  Spitting upon our worthy guests or other citizens is strictly forbidden.

4.  Commenters art awarded points based on ye best olde English.

5.  An bribe ebook or $5 Amazon gift card will be bequeathed by each prisoner.

6.  A $25 Amazon gift card will be awarded at the end of the week by Sheriff Gwen.

7. HENCE, ye must comment to win!

 

Let the trials begin!

 

 

*Sheriff Gwen rolls out scroll to read the charge* On trial today is Sir Stephen Tremp, late of Mission Viejo, now of Blogtown in the land of Realms, and most recently a guest of ye olde Realms Stockade Brigade, courtesy of her highness, Mistress Mary Pax, and overseen by me, Gwen, the honorable Sheriff of Realms. *runs out of breath and sucks in a lungful of air before continuing*

What ye are about to hear tis mayhaps the scariest crime of all. But tis true, every word, straight from the horse’s mouth. Sir Stephen Tremp is accused of opening Pandora’s Box through the pages of his novel, Escalation, the final book of his Breakthrough trilogy! *a mysterious evil stranger, dressed in black and sporting a backpack slinks through the crowd. His form flickers, as if he’s about to disappear*

Here is my burden of proof. Read, if ye’re able:

In Escalation, the final installment to Stephen Tremp’s Breakthrough Trilogy, a seemingly innocent discovery in Einstein-Rosen Bridges, or wormholes, becomes a Pandora’s Box—opening doors to other unexpected and unpredictable realities such as parallel universes, time/space travel, and an evil hitchhiker from another dimension unleashed upon our unsuspecting world…

And then this…

These beings can, at will if they have the authority, convert themselves into mass and manifest in our world. Then, when their work is done, convert back to energy, disappear, and move with ease back into their dimensions.

And straight from the pages of Escalation:

“According to E=MC2, energy and mass are the same thing. Mass and energy can be converted back and forth into each other. Energy into mass. Then mass back into energy. These beings could exist as hyperbeings of pure energy in an additional dimension, then transform into mass right in front of our eyes in our space-time. Then, they convert back into energy and return into their extra spatial dimension.” 

*Sheriff Gwen scans the crowd* Me…methinks I sawest a most strange being anon. Mayhaps it’s too late to save our Blogdom. Archers! Anon! Search the crowd! Round up all suspicious characters. *the crowd dissipates*

Ye have read it thyself. Mayhaps ye witnessethed this evil hitchhiker. Tis most troublesome that the door to our dimension is now open to any Craze, Captain Talos or Jix who cares to enter. Arm thyselves, I say!

 

How plead ye, Sir Stephen?

 

 

I appeal to the good citizens of Realm. Hear me out. One doesn’t need to be a spiritual person or a learned man of science to believe in the convergence of the spiritual world, the metaphysical world, and our world. Most civilizations from the dawn of mankind have believed there is a spiritual world that is the more reality-based realm than our physical one. They were merely trying to explain the universe around them, and their place in it the best they could. And they would live their lives in preparation to spend eternity as a spiritual being, for better or worse.

Very simply, as a man of science scientist and faith, I have to conclude certain things using the scientific method. But, under other circumstances, I have to believe there are some things that cannot be explained in a laboratory, such as love, truth, and justice.

We do not have any idea what is really out there, but there is no reason to believe we are the only intelligent beings in the universe. That would be arrogant and asinine. Nor would there be reason to believe whatever else is out there would have to obey the same laws of the universe. Even the Bible says a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are as a day to God. Although we may experience almost instantaneous travel through a wormhole, time may not behave at all like we think it should within the wormhole.

So I appeal to the good citizens of Realm, understand there is at least the realistic possibility, on a spiritual and a scientific basis, for wormholes and hyperbeings that exists and supersede our current understanding of the space-time continuum of height, length, width, and time.

 

 

What say ye, citizens of Realm?

Guilty or Not Guilty?

 

Realms Trial: Toad Forced To Consume Fly Paste

 

Hear ye, hear ye, goode citizens of Blogtown. Welcome to Realms Faire 2013 and the Stockade Brigade, Word Wizards on Trial event.

To learn more about the Realms Faire, please go to Realms Faire headquarters HERE.

Events: Joust ~ Drench-a-Wench/Soak-a-Bloke ~ Stockade Brigade ~ Dueling Bards ~ Phasers ~ Masquerade Parade ~ Collective Performance ~ Castle Jumble ~ Dragon Hunt

To check out the stupendous Realms Faire Giveaways, go HERE.

Thank you so much to our sponsors for participating in this fun event - check them out HERE. 

Ye Olde Realms Trial Rules:

1.  Prithee, keep order at all times.

2.  There will be no throwing of sticks or stones or anything resembling fecal matter.

3.  Spitting upon our worthy guests or other citizens is strictly forbidden.

4.  Commenters art awarded points based on ye best olde English.

5.  An bribe ebook or $5 Amazon gift card will be bequeathed by each prisoner.

6.  A $25 Amazon gift card will be awarded at the end of the week by Sheriff Gwen.

7. HENCE, ye must comment to win!

 

Let the trials begin!

 

*Sheriff Gwen rolls out scroll to read the charge* Upon a recent tip from a certain toad advocate, erm, I mean steadfast citizen of this most worthy realmdom, I did receive reliable information about Jeff Beesler, late of Washington state, now of Blogtown in the land of Realms, and most recently a guest of ye olde Realms Stockade Brigade, courtesy of her highness, Mistress Mary Pax, and overseen by me, Gwen, the honorable Sheriff of Realms. *runs out of breath and sucks in a lungful of air before continuing*

*ahem* As stated, it has come to my attention one Jeffrey Beesler did indeed commit toad abuse upon the publishing of his novel, Spell of Entrapment. A lowly, wretched creature, given into his care, and so-named Halscrad, was forced to eat atrocious concoctions betwixt the pages of said book.

Should you dare to visiteth the crime scene in the far off land of Amazonian cyberspace, go HERE, but beware the troll at the gate, a bribe toll may be extracted!

Aye, but the burden of proof lies with me, so anon to the evidence, painfully gathered from the crime scene:

“Going home seemed the only viable option. At least there she could confide in her one true friend, her toad. By now Halscrad had probably gone through the last of the wingless fly paste she had made for him before her departure. At the very least it had been a nice enough day to leave the window open. This would’ve let some wayward bugs flutter into her hovel, straight to their doom.”

 But Halscrad did fight back, as evidenced below:

 “Exhausted by the day’s excitement, along with finding no hint of Halscrad, Embekah dragged her feet toward her bedchamber. She almost bowed under the power of sleepiness but reached her cot safely.

Only when Embekah had unraveled the covers of her neatly-made bed, only when her eyelids drooped almost entirely shut, did her cheek brush against a slimy lump. Filling the air with a squeal, she threw her covers off. Heart racing, she zoomed to the door before catching her senses again.

Blasted toad!”                  

How plead ye, Sir Jeffrey?

 

How do I plead toward this fraudulent charge of toad abuse? Innocent, of course! Thou hast not noted in the very section of thy evidence that the window was left open for bugs to enter and feed Halscrad. Had thou continued further in thy investigation, thou wouldst have come upon the Indoor Forest, a piece of woodland magically contained in a single room of Lady Embekah Mare’s most humble abode. Also, had thou continued on to Chapter 9 of the tome, on day 54 of the Year of the Toad, thou wouldst have seen Halscrad able to pass through the Spell of Entrapment without the slightest trouble. And did thou see how the calendar is marked Year of the Toad? I highly doubt that such an honor would have been bestowed upon the toad were I truly guilty of your charge.

Also, Halscrad is quite fond of the taste of wingless fly paste. Thy charge is groundless and will likely be dismissed in the court of public opinion.

An indoor forest, ye say? That toadally makes sense. Well, *clears throat and blusters ineffectually* mayhap I proceeded prematurely. Couldst Sir Jeffrey be telling the truth? Or art his pretty words a brilliant cover-up?

 

What say thee goode citizenry of Realmdom?

Realms Trial: Trolls Be People Too

 

Hear ye, hear ye, goode citizens of Blogtown. Welcome to Realms Faire 2013 and the Stockade Brigade, Word Wizards on Trial event.

To learn more about the Realms Faire, please go to Realms Faire headquarters HERE.

Events: Joust ~ Drench-a-Wench/Soak-a-Bloke ~ Stockade Brigade ~ Dueling Bards ~ Phasers ~ Masquerade Parade ~ Collective Performance ~ Castle Jumble ~ Dragon Hunt

To check out the stupendous Realms Faire Giveaways, go HERE.

Thank you so much to our sponsors for participating in this fun event - check them out HERE. 

Ye Olde Realms Trial Rules:

1.  Prithee, keep order at all times.

2.  There will be no throwing of sticks or stones or anything resembling fecal matter.

3.  Spitting upon our worthy guests or other citizens is strictly forbidden.

4.  Commenters art awarded points based on ye best olde English.

5.  An bribe ebook or $5 Amazon gift card will be bequeathed by each prisoner.

6.  A $25 Amazon gift card will be awarded at the end of the week by Sheriff Gwen.

7. HENCE, ye must comment to win!

 

Let the trials begin!

 

*Sheriff Gwen rolls out scroll to read the charge* Upon a recent tip from a certain monster, erm, I mean steadfast citizen of this most worthy realmdom, I did receive reliable information about EJ Wesley, late of Oklahoma and California, now of Blogtown in the land of Realms, and most recently a guest of ye olde Realms Stockade Brigade, courtesy of her highness, Mistress Mary Pax, and overseen by me, Gwen, the honorable Sheriff of Realms. *runs out of breath and sucks in a lungful of air before continuing*

Twas upon the eighth day in the month of April, in the year of our Lord, two thousand and thirteen, said prisoner, *sheriff motions toward EJ struggling in the stocks* Sir EJ, did in fact abuse, or cause the abuse of an eighteen foot troll. Mr. Troll *standing one-armed and with a patch over one eye at the edge of the crowd looking smug*  was merely in search of a means to break his fast, when accosted by Jenny the monster hunter, betwixt the pages of Dark Prelude, Book III of  the Moonsongs series.

Tis a most monstrous act to be sure, but the evidence is clear. Knights and ladies of Realms, I present my evidence:

“When I’d closed within a few feet, I doubled my grip on the hatchet. Letting out a shrill scream, I leapt into the air and buried the ax into the shaggy arm nearest me.”

“The limb thudded to the ground next to Marshal, who’d been unceremoniously dropped. I spun around, trying to locate my opponent. The troll swung at me with his intact arm. I dodged just enough to deflect some of the blow, but it was still powerful enough to send me flying into the creek bank with a thump.”

AND THEN,

“The flare hissed to life. I lunged forward and thrust it into the troll’s face, instantly melting the tufts of white hair hanging from his cheeks and brow. He flailed backwards, waiving his massive arm in broad, defensive swipes, which I ducked. After stumbling several times, he turned toward the bridge, and began walking toward the shelter in an awkward, zigzagging march.”

“I’ve blinded him.”

How plead ye, Sir EJ?

 

E.J.: I declare myself innocent on all accounts, Sheriff Gwen! Clearly Mr. Troll has used his injuries to play on the sympathies of this court, and if so allowed to continue, will make a mockery of all that is good and just in this fair land.

I shall call MY witness now, one Jenny Moonsong. Her account of these events will surely clear my name!

*A tall, lean young woman appears from the crowd of onlookers. She’s sporting a purple faux-hawk and wearing a t-shirt that reads “Part-Time Girl Gamer, Full-Time PWN "star”.*

Jenny: Can we hurry this up? I can’t even get a decent 4G signal out here.

E.J.: *chuckles nervously* Jenny, be respectful. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m in a bit of a bind here. They seem to think we were unduly cruel to the troll fella over there.

Jenny: *scowls at troll* That hairball on steroids tried to eat my best friend Marshal and me! Do I really need to justify taking my tomahawk to him?

E.J.: *sighs* If I’m going to get out of this stockade—and write YOU into another story—then yes.

Jenny: Fine. But don’t expect me to shed any tears on his ugly behalf … if I had it my way, I’d turn ol’ Cyclops’ hide into some sweet new seat covers for my 4x4 pickup.

Troll: *roars angrily*

Jenny: *smirks* Still touchy about the flare to the eye, I see? *snorts* Get it, E.J.? “I see.”

E.J.: Jenny, just get on with the defense. My legs are cramping and I think I’m getting splinters in my knees.

Jenny: For all the crap they put characters through, authors can be real pansies. You know that?

E.J.: There’s a delete button on my keyboard. It works great. Did you know that?

Jenny: That’s low. Okay, here’s how it REALLY went down with shaggy. My buddy Marshal’s father went missing on pretty much the coldest day West Texas has ever seen—I’m talking sleet, snow, and a wind chill that could freeze the snowballs off of Frosty.

E.J.: *groans* I’m never getting out of this…

Jenny: Anyway, we went to look for Marshal’s dad and we found 300 lbs of fur, stink, and bad attitude instead. That troll killed, and at least partially digested, several innocent people before E.J. let me put a stop to it. Y’all should be thanking him, and be grateful that I forced Mr. Troll to eat left-handed from now on.

E.J.: See! I’m a public servant. I only ever wanted to protect the fine folks of Center Pointe, Texas—and you. That troll is the real menace!       

 

 *the crowd throws rotten tomatoes at the troll*

Well, this puteth a different face on things.

What say ye, crowd?